Where I Confess That I Don't Know When To Stop

One of the reasons I started blogging was to have a record of my money-saving / debt-paying journey. It didn't surprise me but it did sadden me when I finally wrote down exactly how much Big Man and I owe. £44,500. A big chunk of it is a personal guarantee Big Man gave when he started a business...the business went bust last year with an overdraft of £17000+ which, with interest is now £18600 and which Big Man is personally liable for. We also have credit card debts that arose when we were trying to keep the business afloat. Although they're in Big Man's name alone I wouldn't be much of a person if I stood by and watched him fall so this year (and I suspect many years to come) is all about income streams. With this in mind I have started eBaying again but this time selling, not buying. Looking for things to sell illustrated how I got to this state...very little money to spare, some months living a real hand-to-mouth existence and always trying to hide how hard-up we really are. Here's just one example of my folly.

A couple of years ago I started running and naturally bought some running shoes and some running tights. And more running tights. Name brand exercise gear. T-shirts just for the gym. Heart rate monitor. Exercise ball. DVDs. Yoga mat and blocks. Hand weights. More running tights. More exercise gear. Do you see the buying habits of an addictive personality emerging? Having read on MSE that January is a good time to sell exercise equipment I decided to look out anything sport-related that I might be able to sell. I found about 25 items of exercise clothing ALONE, half of which are still complete with labels, the rest of which have been worn a couple of times and are in pristine condition. This is what I always do...I get a new hobby or interest and go totally over the top, buying anything and everything that's remotely relevant. And I come from a family of people who do the exact same thing. Then we find a new hobby and all the 'old' stuff is discarded. I no longer run.

Of course I'm going to eBay the exercise gear but what was I thinking of, buying more and more stuff in the first place? I think a kind of mania can come over some people, I'm one for sure, where you just don't know when to stop. If you're looking on eBay (my biggest downfall) and you see things that only cost a few quid it's so easy to buy 3 or 4 or 5 items without factoring in the postage. You just think of the thrill of getting a parcel. And then put it in the cupboard and forget it.

This is going to be the year when all that stops. I have to change my ways because the last thing I want is to still be living like this when I'm 50, 60, 70. I know it's going to take longer than 365 days but every journey starts with a single step (or something like that). Writing this stuff down is my first step.

" My name's Keshling and I'm an addict....."

"The (wo)man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones"

-William Faulkner