Friday, 26 August 2011

Baffled By Cheese

S'il qui mange du fromage, s'il ne le fait, il enrage

When I was a kid (and now I'm an adult too) I was a real little pig. I always used to offer to unpack and put away the messages when Babcia came home from Grandways,  the local supermarket. She imagined it was because I was kind and helpful but really I wanted to see what she had bought and with any luck make off with some of it and snarf it down in secret. A 12-pack of Blue Riband biscuits was one item of booty I remember spiriting away.
Once, I went to bed as normal then feeling peckish (or piggish, depending on your outlook vis-a-vis gluttony) I tried to sneak downstairs to get a little snack. I made it into the kitchen undiscovered, looked in the fridge and saw....mmmmmm, cheeeese. Quietly I got a knife from the drawer and cut myself a chunk that must've weighed a good 6 ounces; wrapped the wedge back up and silently glided back towards the stairs. I was about 4 stairs up when I heard someone coming from the front room to the hall. It was my Dad!!!! I did what anybody in danger of being caught stealing a big piece of cheese would do - I curled into a little ball on the stairs and hoped I would somehow become invisible.
Of course I didn't disappear and when my Dad saw me (probably totally amazed at the sight of his 9-year-old chubster of a daughter curled protectively over un morceau de fromage halfway up the stairs) he called out to Babcia 'come and see this, I've just caught the biggest mouse in the house!!' The embarrassment and humiliation were total and worse still I was sent back to bed without any cheese. I mean, it wasn't as if I'd left teethmarks in it or something...

I'm telling this story to illustrate how much I love cheese. Any kind, soft or hard. Foreign. Traditional Cheddar. Stinky. I adore Stilton and all blue cheese. Whatever's going really. I am also trying to be money-saving so I was happy to see cheese on offer at Sainsbury's the night before last but there were so many different permutations of sizes, weights, flavours and BOGOFs that I stood like an imbecile for at least five minutes longer than I usually spend looking at cheese. I was after a nice bitey, mature Cheddar so I could have a kilo of Extra Mature for £6.99; two for £6 where one weighed 400g and one 370g; two for a fiver where both weighed 400g; some kind of BOGOF thing for £5...why is there so much choice?! Why is saving money so complicated? I didn't even intend spending a fiver on cheese but rather than spend £3.50 or so on just one piece I decided I might as well get two. Clever old Sainsburys!

I was also seduced by a reduced sandwich filling. It called itself Cheese Savoury and whilst yes, it is savoury and there is a little bit of cheese in it, it's more of a thickish cheese coleslaw. But not as nice. Very carrotty and cabbagey and not to be recommended to you caseophiles out there. Try a nice Stilton.

Any more cheese freaks out there?
*He who does not eat cheese will go mad. 


  1. Me me me! We WERE separated at birth. When I moved out mum said "the cheese is lasting much longer now you've gone". Cheese on toast with Marmite, cheese grated over every meal, even my favourite curry when I was a nanny was Paneer based.
    A few years ago I decided to lose weight, I was huge. Only one diet for me - low carbohydrate. Cheese for breakfast, dinner and tea, and losing 2 stone? Brilliant. I'm going back on that diet after the holidays, I've been eating like a pig and boy does it show, plus my asthma is back worse than ever.
    Wheat is the enemy, not cheese. I'll send you a block of my favourite local cheese soon, you'll be hooked.

  2. Me me me me me too. :)

    I echo Luce in that ditching bread and cake and sugar etc to lose weight is easy as long as I can keep the cheese.

    LOVE cheese. All of it. Ambrosia.

    I think I will make a cheese omelette for breakfast - I have a huge chunk of mature cheddar waiting to be eaten.

  3. Mmmmm cheese :D (what more can I say!)Well nothing on the subject of cheese itself, but perhaps a little on cheese savoury. My other half enjoys cheese savoury in his work sarnies now and again, but not that horrid tubbed stuff which as you have so rightly said resembles cheese coleslaw. No, he likes his homemade, lots of cheese a smattering of grated carrot and grated onion bound together with mayo. xxx

  4. Well I go more for the soft French varieties myself, but I can more than empathise with the childhood midnight snacking incident. When I was 5 or so I snuck into the kitchen one night to nick some jaffas out of a jar on top of the highest kitchen them out, put them on the bench, and of course being Jaffas they rolled off the bench on to the floor, and I was sprung. I have NEVER lived it down yet.

  5. Your Dad sounded like a right laugh!
    I LOVE cheese so much. As a baby I ate Stilton rather than chocolate. I could probably give up booze but never cheese.
    Lidl do some brilliant Stilton, really cheap, too. x

  6. I love cheese too. And yesterday I bought 4 packs of S'bury cheese on that very same offer!
    Lisa x

  7. I'm crazy about cheese but I find my knowledge on the subject lacking. There's SOOO many out there and so many different uses for them. It's one of those things I intend to school myself about throughout life and thoroughly enjoy the adventure!!!

    I try not to buy it too often because I just eat it all pretty much at once.


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