S'il qui mange du fromage, s'il ne le fait, il enrage
When I was a kid (and now I'm an adult too) I was a real little pig. I always used to offer to unpack and put away the messages when Babcia came home from Grandways, the local supermarket. She imagined it was because I was kind and helpful but really I wanted to see what she had bought and with any luck make off with some of it and snarf it down in secret. A 12-pack of Blue Riband biscuits was one item of booty I remember spiriting away.
Once, I went to bed as normal then feeling peckish (or piggish, depending on your outlook vis-a-vis gluttony) I tried to sneak downstairs to get a little snack. I made it into the kitchen undiscovered, looked in the fridge and saw....mmmmmm, cheeeese. Quietly I got a knife from the drawer and cut myself a chunk that must've weighed a good 6 ounces; wrapped the wedge back up and silently glided back towards the stairs. I was about 4 stairs up when I heard someone coming from the front room to the hall. It was my Dad!!!! I did what anybody in danger of being caught stealing a big piece of cheese would do - I curled into a little ball on the stairs and hoped I would somehow become invisible.
Of course I didn't disappear and when my Dad saw me (probably totally amazed at the sight of his 9-year-old chubster of a daughter curled protectively over un morceau de fromage halfway up the stairs) he called out to Babcia 'come and see this, I've just caught the biggest mouse in the house!!' The embarrassment and humiliation were total and worse still I was sent back to bed without any cheese. I mean, it wasn't as if I'd left teethmarks in it or something...
I'm telling this story to illustrate how much I love cheese. Any kind, soft or hard. Foreign. Traditional Cheddar. Stinky. I adore Stilton and all blue cheese. Whatever's going really. I am also trying to be money-saving so I was happy to see cheese on offer at Sainsbury's the night before last but there were so many different permutations of sizes, weights, flavours and BOGOFs that I stood like an imbecile for at least five minutes longer than I usually spend looking at cheese. I was after a nice bitey, mature Cheddar so I could have a kilo of Extra Mature for £6.99; two for £6 where one weighed 400g and one 370g; two for a fiver where both weighed 400g; some kind of BOGOF thing for £5...why is there so much choice?! Why is saving money so complicated? I didn't even intend spending a fiver on cheese but rather than spend £3.50 or so on just one piece I decided I might as well get two. Clever old Sainsburys!
I was also seduced by a reduced sandwich filling. It called itself Cheese Savoury and whilst yes, it is savoury and there is a little bit of cheese in it, it's more of a thickish cheese coleslaw. But not as nice. Very carrotty and cabbagey and not to be recommended to you caseophiles out there. Try a nice Stilton.
Any more cheese freaks out there?
*He who does not eat cheese will go mad.