Tuesday, 21 June 2011

All By Myself

Have I mentioned before that Big Man snores to such an extent that I have to be sedated every night, lest I fade away from lack of sleep? And that eight years after he left the Submarine Service and came home for good I'm still not used to having to share my bed? I know, that sounds weird and kinda cruel but....ten years of bringing kids up alone with only weekend visits from a tired and distracted man can make a girl pretty independent. When friends tell me that their husband or partner has to go away on business (or whatever they do) for a couple of nights, and they 'don't know HOW they'll cope....we've never been apart before', I can't help thinking how lucky they are. What a sad sack she is.

Big Man never goes anywhere. When I go to visit Babcia I luxuriate in The Most Comfortable Bed In The World. It's nothing special, but it's a double bed and I am in it all alone. Nobody snorting, moaning, making little whiny noises, hogging the quilt, taking all the space, throwing a big sweaty arm over me or giving those kind of jerky spasms that happen when you dream you're stepping off a kerb. Just me, all by myself. I can read with the light on - if I want to read in bed at home I have to wear a special head torch that Big Man thoughtfully bought me two Christmases ago. Because after all, nothing says 'I Love You' like buying your wife's gift from the Army Surplus Store.

Obviously I try to get my husband to spend nights away from home but it's not easy. It's not specially easy to get him to spend days away, come to that, but I've succeeded tomorrow. Mr Charming has to go back to his uni in Devon for a 20-minute tutorial when he'll get his marks for the year, and to bring his stuff home from halls. It's a four-and-a-half hour drive each way, plus an hour or so there....between 10 and 12 hours Big Man-free!!!
You're probably all thinking 'what a cow' but listen. If you're with somebody all the time, apart from work, and you like to be on your own, plus you've had years alone (when you didn't have to take another adult into consideration) then it's just a bit hard sometimes. That's all.

So, tomorrow. Day off work. Big Man and Mr Charming leaving at 06.00 for a 13.30 appointment (just in case they hit traffic. And to sate Big Man's punctuality obsession...these ex-military types, eh?). Nice lie-in for me. Read a bit of my book. Early lunch. Hairdressers at midday. Tootle round the charity shops then home to maybe bake a cake and...mmmm, salmon quiche anyone? Nice bath. Bed (alone) at 18:00.

Without my head torch.

*This is, indeed, the same as mine....


  1. ;-)) I understand this totally and you are not a cow at all. We all need time alone or as i call it "me me time" ;-) You enjoy and savour every moment, dee x

  2. Of course you're not a cow. I bet most women can identify with you.

    I hope you have a marvellous day today. Enjoy the silence and free time.

  3. There isn't a couple in the land who BOTH want to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment within a 5 metre radius of each other. Be it insecurity, possessiveness, habit or whatever, it's neither healthy or normal to live that way. Your post has answered a question I asked at the end of my last one.
    Charity swappers truly uniting here.

  4. I'm on your side too as someone who sleeps with a snorer who also stops breathing for ages then starts gasping. Nights alone are essential and brilliant, do whatever you please and a nice lazy bath next morning. Enjoy your me time.

  5. Have a great day to yourself! We all need some time alone - it can be very refreshing!

  6. I think most honest women, know EXACTLY what you're on about - that doesn't make you a cow, it just makes you honest. Also, nobody wants to be with somebody else all of the time...I don't even want to be with myself all of the time, that's why I love to sleep...albeit with earplugs!!!S.

  7. Oh how I sympathise with you, I have an OH who fights, wriggles, snores, talks, sits up in the midlle of the night, says something stupid and then lies down and coughs......

    Last night he drove me scatty so I got up and went into the guest room to sleep, I am seriously considering having a bedroom each, I might get a decent nights sleep then!!!


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