Shame, Shame, Shame

Firstly, can I get a DAMMIT! My clothes line just snapped and all the clothes ended up on the muddy garden, including Big Man's work uniform. But luckily not mine, so that's something lol. The line had been getting more and more threadbare (is that what I mean? When strands are pinging off?) and both I and Big Man were aware of it. Do I need tell you that when I called him out to the garden, after tying one end to our dead apple tree, his first question was 'what can I do about it?'. And his second? 'I thought you were going to replace it'. Me, who works all day with old people and doesn't drive around the city delivering things, with all the opportunities to stop at one of the four local B&Q stores that brings? Me, who isn't an ex-submariner and knot expert? Me, who has never bought rope or put up a clothes line before? Sorry, isn't that...kinda....man's work? And to put the tin hat on it, as Big Grandma used to say, the clothes basket had been left out on the garden all night and as I went to throw the clothes in it before taking them to the tumbler (boooo!!!!) I noticed a bird had crapped in it. What's that saying? Some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue....

Anyway, my post about guilt struck a chord with some of you. I feel guilty because I'd rather do anything than housework and I continually feel that I'm a housework slut. I look at craft blogs and rather than think 'my goodness, that felt corsage with a button sewn on it is fabulous!' I imagine how pristine the blogger's home must be in order for her to have the time and clear conscience to make little 'pretties'. My house is just full of....well, I call it eBay stock, Big Man calls it shite (he's not the most eloquent of men). We both agree it's 'stuff'. When we made our annual visit to my sis-in-law Sophie's place which is very minimalist and clean, all I could say afterwards was 'where was all her stuff?'. I tend to think people without oodles of 'stuff' are pretty boring (well I would, wouldn't I ;P) and was gratified when a first-time visitor to our place, a friend of Red's said yesterday 'you've got so much cool stuff here!'. (As an aside, Carb Addict was prancing around to 'The Boys Are Back In Town' on my iPod wearing blue winceyette pjs and a jaunty Tyrolean hat, picked up for 50p last week in a charity shop. We strive to make an impression chez nous).

In an attempt to bring some order to my life and because I just CAN'T live in this turmoil any longer, I have decided to follow Flylady's Beginner BabySteps program. Plenty of people on MSE.com swear by it though it looks a bit like nibbling round the edges to me at the moment. Day One was Shine Your Sink. Day Two is Get Dressed And Tie Your Shoes Up. Hmmm. That doesn't really help when my cupboards look like this:

 We have two sets of stairs at our place - this is the cupboard under the kitchen stairs.

It's full of implements I just HAD to have - mini chopper, giant cupcake baking tin,

apple peeler, burger maker. Utterly shameful mess.

Cupboard under (now shined) sink. Note nine bottles of Stardrops.

Can't find anything in here without getting everything else out :(

Tins, veggies, stuff from Approved Foods....it's all crammed in here.

Luckily I was able to thin it out a bit this evening by donating to Carb Addict's

Harvest Festival. Hope they like hot dog sausages!

Cereals we don't eat but kept in case I decided to make Rocky Roads one day.

I've made Rocky Roads loads of times but the cereal remains unused.

Everything falls on top of me when I open these doors.

I tried to organise this cupboard by getting Big Man to cut pieces of 2"x4" that I

could use as tiers on the shelves but it didn't really work. Plus I can't reach the top shelf

so can only use honey when Big Man or Mr Charming are home. Or get a chair,

and frankly who can be arsed with that?

So you can see why I think shining my sink is not going to make much of an impact in the scheme of things. I AM going to make a big effort in the next few weeks to tidy and declutter as much as I can - after all, it's one of my goals on my profile so I suppose I've got to do it. I always have this feeling that I'm not allowed to do things I enjoy or like, or even just slack off whilst the house is so messy - almost as if I don't deserve to kick back when there's so much to be done....it's that female guilt thing again I guess. I just can't let things go to rack and ruin whilst I sew or knit or paint or read and though I doubt very much that Big Man would say 'why are you reading Heat magazine when this place looks like a tip?' (he wouldn't dare!) I always imagine that he disapproves.

Maybe I've just got a complex. Am I (and my house) beyond hope?





The Moon's A (Square) Balloon

Red is looking for a job so that she can raise money to go back to London. Obviously she is living at home rent-free. Mr Charming came home from uni at the end of May with some of his loan left over and has, according to a very disgruntled Big Man, 'slept in for two months'. But now the loan is gone so Mr Charming too needs a job. I find this particularly irksome because at the end of June I noticed that a local leisure centre was looking for lifeguards. The ad said that it wasn't a problem if applicants didn't have the NPLQ (National Pool Lifeguard Qualification) because they would be running a special course on July 15 which would result in qualified lifeguard status. Excellent!!! Mr Charming IS indeed a qualified lifeguard and even though his has lapsed (it needs to be retaken every two years I think), no problemo....he could requalify through the job.



Except he refused to go.

Had money left, didn't need a job, blah blah blah. He even got pretty shirty when I tried to press him on it so I decided he could do what he liked, knowing that he would soon be very sorry.

Last week came the day when the loan was spent and Mr Charming was indeed very sorry. Red had already told me that she didn't care what she did to earn money 'so I can pay you back Mum'. Hmmmmm. Each morning from work I texted to Red and Mr Charming, telling them to get up and look for work by checking the Jobcentre website and each day when I got home they both told me there were no suitable jobs. On Friday I looked myself and straight away found them both openings for the following night at a big pub in town, the Square Balloon. Red has worked as a barmaid before, at the local Irish Club which is run by Mr Charming's best friend's dad (we're big on connections and nepotism in this family). And Mr Charming could collect glasses.

On the Saturday night Red and Mr Charming worked from 8pm to 2am for nothing. No money. Zilch. It's called a trial shift apparently and they both hated it. Mr Charming said that he would rather kill himself than work there again and Red agreed it was pretty awful but that she'd go back if nothing else came up. And at least she made £3.70 in tips.

Yesterday Mr Charming got a cheque for £306 that was his refunded deposit from halls so he has decided that he doesn't need a job now after all, though how long he thinks that will last him I don't know, given that he won't get any more loan until September at the earliest. So this evening when the man from the Square Balloon rang up to offer him work for tomorrow night he turned it down. And it sounds like he's turned it down on Red's behalf too. The manager asked whether she would be available and Mr Charming was very non-commital....the manager didn't call Red so it looks like that's a dead-end.

But tomorrow Red is going to an agency in town about a temporary job as a hospital porter at the General (odd choice I know....maybe she really WILL do anything?) and I said that she should call into the pub whilst she's out though I'd class her response to my suggestion as ambivalent.

I've had to conclude that I have two unmotivated, unwilling and idle people on my hands. How come I can find jobs for them just like that (clicks fingers) but there's never anything suitable when they look? I totally adore all my kids but sometimes they make it very hard. On the minus side they lie in bed, won't do any chores without a lot of nagging, and stopped thinking I was the Oracle of All Knowledge long ago. On the plus side they are pretty frugal, and can live quite happily on packets of Monster Munch and tins of Kopparberg.

The next few months should be interesting.

PS Big Man was talking to his sister Sophie this evening on the phone and I heard him complaining about me using our Rainy Day Fund to pay Red's rent. And, thank you Sophie, she told him that 'your kids ALWAYS come first'. Let's hope he thinks about that a bit.....