Sunday, 13 November 2011

Pain

In preparation for my holiday next week I went to the salon today for waxing. It's more than a year since I was last there and my pain threshold has seemingly decreased in that time. When I was a regular I could almost fall asleep during the process but not today. I normally find shin fronts and ankles are the worst and backs of my legs the easiest. Bikini line is obviously pretty hair-raising too (Geddit? Hair-raising!) as are the armpits. Today was just a world of pain from beginning to end. This evening my underarms are burning and feel raw and as for the bikini line....well, best we don't even go there. All I will say is I'm walking like John Wayne. I salute any woman who can tolerate a Brazilian because I had to bite back a small scream when the beautician was splatting the hot wax around my nether regions and ripping hair out by the roots. There can't be many men who could bear it is all I can say.
It doesn't help that I'm....shall we say, on the hairy side. I'm not saying I'm
Frida Kahlo but pale skin and dark, strong hair (don't be fooled by the hair on my head - that hasn't been my real colour since I was 12) is a recipe for hirsuteness. I'm taking comfort from the fact that as you get older you get less hairy - the elderly lady residents I help care for are without exception hairless on their bodies. Not so on their upper lip and chin though....some of them need to be shaved as often as our men.


Talking about bikini waxing made me think of vajazzling (must stress I'm not planning any, just in case you get a little bit sick in your mouth at the idea) and in the interests of research I had a quick look at vajazzling.com. According to the website, 'vajazzling isn't that much different from other forms of bikini area decoration'. I must be a bit of a style numpty because I assumed, in my innocence, that the only form of bikini area decoration available was a pair of bikini bottoms. Red had explained to me quite a while ago what vajazzling is so I was surprised to see that not only can you be vajazzled on your back, arms or chest but that men can be vajazzled as well. Presumably a man very secure with his own sexuality. Or a groom-to-be's rite of passage on his stag night, much like having one eyebrow shaved off. Or a step up from a back, sac and crack wax for Red Nose Day (back to waxing again - sorry, I can't help it, my armpits are really sore!).
I don't see the point of it to be honest - the little stick on stones look cheap and nasty and really, if you think it looks a bit boring down below you could always use one of those Bazooka Joe transfers to cheer the 'bikini area' up. Or a tattoo. My dad went to sea with a man who had 'A Present For A Good Girl' with an arrow pointing downwards tattooed on his lower belly. And Babcia told me a story she'd heard about a trawlerman who used to go into the pub she worked in before she met my dad. Seems he had a couple of huntsmen tattooed on each buttock and a fox's tail disappearing into that place 'where the sun don't shine', as we say in polite society.

Now that's pain.

15 comments:

  1. I am going on Wednesday for a haircut and to have my lip and eyebrows waxed. I can honestly say that I dont think I could ever do the bikini wax..just the thought makes me cringe

    Judy

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm still looking for a reasonable priced pair of shorty bikini bottoms, that way I can avoid hair removal from that region. Haven't found a way that isn't in some way painful. Makes me wonder why we all do it and accept that hairless should be the norm. I understand your pain and admire your bravery!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I dread getting all those facial hairs - my MIL (she is 80) goes to have her face waxed regularly - she calls it "Getting my beard done." Cracks me up every time I hear that. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have hisuitism and have excess hair on my face, back, chest, tummy etc. I shave my beard and tache every day. Have to tweezer my chest, however. Nothing would every persuade me to have my legs, under arms, or bikini line waxed. I could not imagine putting myself through that torture for vanity!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Crikey, my eyes are watering just reading this.

    SP

    PS I've given no 1 daughter permission to tell me when I need a shave, and told no 2 daughter, that when she visits me in the home for the terminally bewildered she must bring some tweezers and some lip gloss.

    I'm leaving nothing to chance.

    ReplyDelete
  6. SP ~ 'terminally bewildered'. Love it!

    K xxx

    ReplyDelete
  7. Have you tried Nads.....it's quite a bit less torturous than wax. When I can afford it I'm going to do laser removal...it's permanent!

    ReplyDelete
  8. now, this makes a nice change from crochet!! i can't believe how hair is sprouting all over the place now I'm in my 40's - my little sister (10 years younger) looks at my tashe in horror as she knows she's next!
    I have a friend who has just bought a laser hair removal business - think I may need a visit before too long...fee x

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I've never been for a professional was because, quite frankly, I'm a wuss! Give me a bic anytime. Hope your armpits cool down soon my lovely. Xx

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm getting hairier every year, and less inclined to do anything about it every year.
    I hate having to pay for being tortured, paying to be waxed is like paying for a tooth filling. I don't 'get' the vajazzle phenomenon either. Is nothing safe from having cheap bits of plastic/glass glued to it? Teeth, nails, it'll be bums next!
    This post really made me laugh though, I needed a laugh too. Only problem is I'm left with a disturbing image (all my own fault). I read Fee's comment, and imagined a crochet blanket made from all the 'bits' pulled out during waxing (and you were worried about causing a "bit of sick in the mouth").
    Bedtime!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am very low maintenance with most of my hairy bits, but I have a thing for having quite narrow eyebrows (I'm an old goth) - I love the eyebrow waxing strips you can get, rips away loads of hairs in one go!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I had a good roaring laugh at that post! I'm low maintenance with all the hair stuff. Thank heavens I don't have much need for it. But we're gearing up for a trip to Florida soon. I'm bracing myself. Love the blog, by the way. I'll be back.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sounds like torture, though my elder daughter used to pluck her underarms with tweezers! I've only tried waxing once - every hair follicle filled with blood as the strips were removed - not an attractive sight, and one not to be repeated!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh god, I feel a bit queasy at the thought of that arrow tattoo. It sounds so...creepy. I don't like the thought of men wanting girls anywhere near them in that sense. It's a tad paedo!

    I've never been brave enough to get waxed but I'm thinking I should probably attempt it before I'm 30. Nair or Veet on the bikini line is just not long-lasting enough for my liking.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ooh no, I do my own hair removal thank you very much. Really have no desire for any tangerine hued woman to raise a perfectly tweezed brow at my lady garden. A friend of mine was once mortified to be asked whether she "was German, because you have tough coarse hair" by a less than PC beautician with dubious customer service skills. No thanks!

    ReplyDelete

Leave a message.....